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But as we looked at how to enhance the curriculum, we found a gap in how to improve people’s ability to hear hard things, no matter how those are delivered. For the last 30 years, we’ve taught skills like State My Path and Make It Safe to help learners share their meaning without provoking defensiveness.

The importance of feedback isn’t new to Crucial Conversations. ISBN 0-07-140194-6 Http://the new additions to our revamped Crucial Conversations for Mastering Dialogue course is a skill for receiving feedback we’ve dubbed “retaking your pen.” This skill-which has become THE key takeaway from the course for some learners-handles how to avoid letting negative or poorly delivered feedback upend your sense of self-worth. Resources Crucial Conversations Tools For Talking When Stakes Are High Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler McGraw-Hill Companies, New York, 2002.

Recognize the purpose behind the strategy.

Make It Safe CRIB to Get to Mutual Purpose When you are at cross-purposes, use four skills to get back to Mutual Purpose:

Start with what you don’t intend or mean.

When others misunderstand either your purpose or intent, use Contrasting.

Do others believe you respect them? Chapter 5, Make It Safe, p.

Do others believe you care about their goals in this conversation? Do they trust your motives?.

Make it Safe “…Step out of the conversation, build safety, and then find a way to dialogue…” Decide which condition of Safety is at risk

Clarify what you don’t want, add it to what you do want, and ask your brain to start searching for healthy options to bring you to dialogue.

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Break free of these Sucker’s Choices by searching for the and.

Watch to see if you’re telling yourself that you must choose between peace and honesty, between winning and losing, and so on.

As you consider what you want, notice when you start talking yourself into a Sucker’s Choice.

Look for outbreaks of your Style Under Stress Chapter 4, Learn to Look, p.

Look to see if others are moving toward silence or violence.And finally ask: “How would I behave if this were what I really wanted?” Chapter 4, Learn to Look, p.Ask yourself: “What do I want for myself? For others? For the relationship?” Ask yourself: “What does my behavior tell me about what my motives are?”.Start with your own heart The only person you can change is yourself…start there. Feel threaten What shouldbe happening to you….“Conversation Killers” What is happening to you… The Dialogue Model Silence Withdrawing Avoiding Masking Safety Dialogue Controlling Labeling Attacking Violence We Can Fight “Violence” Attack Label Control We Can Flee “Silence” Withdrawn Avoid Mask Behavior Choices “Conversation Killers” Chapter 4, Learn to Look, pp. Tools for talkingWhen the stakes are high… Turn conversations into actions and results you want.Manage your communication “style” under stress.Objectives for Crucial Conversations Discover how to communicate best when it matters the most

E N D - Presentation TranscriptĬrucial Conversations Adapted from  Crucial Conversations Tools For Talking When Stakes Are High Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron Mcmillan, and Al Switzler McGraw-Hill Companies, New York, 2002.